They say it happens when you fall in love, when you get married and when you get pregnant. For me it happened once Aidan started walking. I don’t know why but it did. All of a sudden I imagined him running about and banging into the walls of our small rental house. I wanted space and lots of it. I wanted something we could build on, to scratch our family’s heights into the door frame, to make our home.
On Friday nights Steve and I kick back and watch Escape to the Country and 60 minute Makeover on channel 7TWO, we love sneaky peeks into other peoples houses. It’s also the reason we like Real Living magazine. We constantly scan Domain and the newspapers for our dream home but never seem to find one that’s just right. We weren’t seriously looking, just keeping our eyes open for things that appealed to us.
Then we found it… right across the street.
It’s a white cottage on a corner block with a white picket fence and yellow daisy bushes. It has 4 bedrooms plus a playroom and a study as well as 2 bathrooms. It has a big kitchen, a huge linen press, laundry and dining room as well as a large lounge with working fireplace and a separate sun filled sitting room. It has a timber deck that wraps around the back of the property and over looks the garden. It has a large backyard with plenty of room for the dogs and a rowdy son.
There are numerous vegetable garden beds and even a fenced off area with a chicken hutch. Aidan isn’t forgotten either with a cubby house and sandpit in the far corner of the yard and enough space for a swing set. It has a separate two car garage with an additional toilet which, in time, would be converted into my photography studio. Because we live across the street we know the area, we know the neighbors and it’s close to the train station and the shops I like. It’s walking distance to schools and Steve’s work.
Sounds like a dream doesn’t it… well that’s all it’s going to be. A lovely dream that we can’t have, yet stares at me constantly, it’s right there in my face and I can’t stop thinking about it. Steve and I never planned on buying a house right away. We saved and spent a majority of our money on our infertility journey and eventually our son. We’re getting our act together now and saving for a deposit but all good things take time and we just don’t have it if we want that particular property. You can imagine how much interest it’s gotten after all the details I’ve mentioned. We can afford the mortgage but just don’t have cash for the deposit just lying around.
To be honest I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this, it seems like a pretty pointless post but I had to. It only came on the market last week and as soon as the sign went up it’s all I can seem to think about. It’s not a new place, it will need some loving but it’s nothing Steve and I couldn’t handle. I’m numb and sad and disappointed. I’m not saying I would rather a house than my son, never in a million years, I’m just frustrated that we can’t, as the present moment, buy a house.
I went for a viewing on Wednesday and as soon as I walked in it felt like home. I walked around glowing and when it came time to leave I cried. I literally walked to the other side of the house alone and sobbed quietly. I’ve never had such a strong connection to a house before and I felt so stupid. This wasn’t something I’d been mulling over for awhile either, just a few short days and came out of no where. I know there will be more houses on the market and we might find one even more perfect in the future but the property we love has an open house tomorrow and I’m going, if only to torture myself some more.