I’ve wanted to blog all day. The words seem to be on the tip of my tongue but I can’t spit them out. I’m going to try my best to put my feelings out there but I’m not sure I’ll be successful. I had a huge range of photo filled posts planned for all of last week and then the house came on the market and all other thoughts went right out the window. All the witty words and pretty puns were wasted because my head was filled with picket fences and mortgage brokers. I still feel consumed by it all.
I thought that we couldn’t buy the house and then after a bit more research Steve thought that we could and then came full circle and realised we couldn’t. A roller coaster of emotions to say the least. We were sad when we thought the house was out of our grasp and then excited beyond belief when it was so close we could taste it… and then this morning we grieved because it wasn’t meant to be.
As most of you said, timing is everything and I guess the timing wasn’t right for us. Something beautiful will come along and we’ll be ready next time… but this time I’m sad. The dream house I wasn’t expecting to find appeared, and vanished just as quickly, it’s a lot to take on in one week. Not just inspecting the place and talking to money hungry bank people, but the deep and meaningful conversations you have with your partner until 3 in the morning about where you are and where you want to be and how you want to get there.
We thought we had it all covered, our life plan, but this house threw a spanner in the works. We reevaluated, got new ideas, confessed desires and brainstormed. Whilst talking it out was a great thing for us to do both financially and for our marriage, it got pretty heavy. Put that on top of our daily stresses and we find ourselves a little wiped out which is bizarre as nothing has changed at all. It was all in our heads, it was all just ideas!
We’re still going ahead with buying the caravan but now we’ve both had a bit of a wake up call when it comes to saving for a house deposit, I mean seriously saving. I don’t want to have to go through this torture again, I want us to be prepared so that when our true dream house appears it can be ours. I’m looking forward to the next few years exploring with my family and taking time out, something we wouldn’t be able to do as often with a mortgage and renovations, not to mention the endless decorating.
I’m glad Steve is my partner, he’s my best friend and makes everything worthwhile. What makes me happy is remembering that home is wherever my little family is, after that, nothing else really matters.