I’ve always loved magazines and a small part of me wished I’d be involved in them in some way in the future, I just never expected that I’d be naked when I was. Being in Cosmopolitan Health Magazine, standing along side four other lovely ladies was a real honour and something that I’m really proud of. The support I’ve received has been immeasurable and every comment has felt like a big hug, I can’t even tell you how lucky I feel. It was a surreal time so I thought I’d share a few “behind the scenes” moments from my day on Park Street.
It was the middle of winter and very early in the morning when I got on the train to head into the city. I dressed casually and freaked out the entire way. I opted not to have a spray tan, choosing to show off my “milky” complexion and hoped that they wouldn’t spray me with too much body glitter for fear of looking like Edward Cullen’s chubby clan member. I packed a few of my favourite pieces in a suitcase just incase I didn’t like what they had sourced and thought about make up and hair ideas. I arrived with plenty of time to spare and a tummy full of butterflies.
The marble lobby greeted me with open arms. I signed in and waited for my escort to take me upstairs, this was about the time I started feeling unsure of myself. My shoulders started to slump, my stomach turned with knots and the self doubt washed over me the instant I walked into the closed set. There wasn’t much time to dwell on insecurities because soon after I was in the chair having my hair and make up done. I’m not going to lie, it was nice to be pampered and fussed over. The set was very basic and everyone was warm and inviting. There were a few hiccups, my clothes didn’t arrive and the ones that did were the wrong style and size. I ended up wearing all my own clothes which was a bit of a bummer but I do own some pretty awesome threads so it worked out well in the end.
I stood naked in a room with a handful of women and a camera. I could see all the shots on the computer screen as they were taken. I looked beautiful. It was difficult to keep my nipples hidden, be sprayed with cold body glitter, pose awkwardly and somehow keep a warm and inviting expression on my face but I did it. The dressed up photo was much easier, I was in my element prancing about and being silly. Overall the day ended up being a roller coaster of emotions, I was let down, lifted up and saw my outer-self as clearly as I saw my inner-self. In the weeks before the issue was published I got anxious, I was concerned about the response, not only from my family, from friends, from readers… but mostly my own personal response to seeing myself in print.
I feel some what smug when I see the magazine at the newsagents, knowing I’m in there in all my glory. It’s weird seeing yourself so clearly, it’s very easy to pick at the image with negative thoughts, to counteract a proud moment with regret but I’m trying not to. I did mean what I said about being happy in myself but happy for change. I’ll always be changing, maybe the last few months that “change” hasn’t been occuring on my waistline but I know sure as hell I’ve been changing as a person and that’s what really counts.