Shake it Off

The last few months have been the busiest I can remember. At the end of the year I told myself that this year would be simpler, less complicated and I’d stick to my goals, I’d stay focused. This was the year I was going to be strong, surround myself with those who love and truly believe in me. For years it felt like I’d been fumbling around in the dark and then suddenly I’d found my footing and began climbing, reaching, higher.

I think it was a combination of things both personal and professional. Steve and I are good, really good. Aidan is a bright, cheeky, enthusiastic and thoughtful little dude who is becoming more and more independent everyday. This may sound corny but the more he grows and develops, I feel I do too. Kids really do teach you about the world at the moment you’re sure you know it all.

He actively seeks freedom, of expression, of choice. Sometimes he just downright demands it in a tantrum sea of tears and wails. He doesn’t allow himself to pushed into a corner, he values them too much. It’s easier to be submissive, to allow your feelings and dreams to be cast aside to avoid creating waves, but he holds his own to the point now where he actually explains why. He’s empowered me to be the same, to fight for my feelings, my dreams, my choices… even if it sometimes leaves my eyes red and my cheeks blotched with tears.

I was told once, by a friend who’s known and loved me longer than I can remember that “I was a doormat, I allowed myself to be and I was the only one who could change it.” It’s taken almost 27 years and it’s finally sinking in.

In the last two years my confidence has grown (as has my vanity) and I’ve felt brave enough to ask for or put myself in a position to get what I want from life. Sure it’s been easier in the past to cower in the corner and blame the harsh cruel world for all my injustices but now I know the truth and my flame burns brighter for it.

Comments

  1. 1

    says

    In my reflection for my thesis, I’ve Also found my confidence has soared due to my blog. I really have found my voice online and in the real world!
    Good on you :) you’re fab x

  2. 2

    says

    Absolutely YES! If you don’t ask, demand even, you’ll never get what you want. Unless it’s a happy accident. Demand it, my friend, demand it with everything you have.

  3. 4

    Debyl1 says

    So glad to read a good news post at the moment when so much nasty is going on.
    I think it is great you are evolving and things can only get better from here.Good on you and may your blog lead you to where you want to be.
    Like they say everything and everyone around you is your teacher.
    You sound like you are having a wonderful time on your learning journey.
    Goodluck with it all.xx

  4. 5

    says

    “Sure it’s been easier in the past to cower in the corner and blame the harsh cruel world for all my injustices but now I know the truth and my flame burns brighter for it.”
    Love this! Empowering yourself. You are in total control of your life. It’s only when we learn that everything in our life is of our creation and no one else’s fault, can you truly surge ahead and be magical!

  5. 6

    says

    You are an inspiration, I know to at least me. I’ve grown in so many ways in the past couple of years, and while I do feel like i’m just kind of floating along, you are a real inspiration. I’m glad that things are going great for you. xox

  6. 7

    says

    I think you’re inspirational. You’re positive, fun, smart and witty. Beautiful to read that you’re no longer feel like a door mat. Fabulous to read your chasing your dreams with a happy heart.

  7. 9

    says

    I’m discovering lately that the risk is worth the gamble…. if you dont ask you don’t get but when you put yourself out there, it’s mostly positive. I mean that in all areas of life. Life is short, no point waiting for it to go the way you want, to have to shape it to what you want.

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