I am very aware that I’ve hardly spoken about NYC. There are several reasons I can give you as to why I haven’t but I’m not exactly sure which one is more true. You see something happened when I arrived (actually it was probably the second or third day) but it changed something within me.
New York changed me… ugh I’m such a freaking cliche.
I’d never traveled far from home on my own before and even then I still had Caitlin as my travel buddy and room mate. I wasn’t alone-alone but I definitely felt “misplaced”. Steve, my rock was nowhere to be seen, neither was Aidan. My two reasons for breathing. My friends and family were all in another timezone, something I hadn’t gotten my head around which quite often left me feeling disconnected. Even twitter left me feeling left out and don’t even get me started on the whole phone situation, lets just say lessons were learnt.
I didn’t have a bad trip, the exact opposite happened but I think for the first few days not only was I jet-lagged but also in shock. We had a few days before FFFWeek actually started and on the first day we had bagels, went shopping and went to Times Square. It was intense and crowded and I was disappointed by how much I wasn’t blown away. The next few days Caitlin scurried off to do tours of the city and explore but I just found myself buying toilet freshener, extra coat hangers, fresh flowers and other trivial things to fluff and feather the nest.
I went to NYC and I nested.
I’d spend hours walking to Wholefoods by myself and filling our little kitchenette with yummy fresh breakfast options and snacks. Fussing with the apartment til it was just so because it was much more comforting to do that than to go outside and really see the city. I told myself I wanted to be calm and rested before the craziness of FFFWeek started but looking back six months later I realise I’m really good at lying to myself.
It had been several days and the fact that I was in NYC still hadn’t really sunk in. Caitlin was waiting for it and it finally happened the night we went to see Chicago on Broadway. She basically had to push me out the door to go, I wasn’t convinced that musicals were for me and I wasn’t exactly flush with cash. Caitlin is a pusher, she pushed Samantha and I out the door and once it started I couldn’t stop grinning in the dark… and then there were tears. Big, fat salty drops fell from my eyes as silver glitter fell from the roof during “Razzle Dazzle”.
I turned a corner and I was no longer afraid to fall in love with a city that has always called to me.
Now my mind has turned to planning my second trip to New York in June for FFFWeek 2013. As I start seeking sponsorship, researching accommodation and trying to get the best flight deals I’ll also be sharing more of my 2012 journey with you. This was the hump that I needed to get over, this was the part that was difficult to tell you and yet completely natural.
I was scared.
With that monkey off my back I want to document my stories, little bite sized pieces scattered over the next few months. To show you that it wasn’t just some trip, that it wasn’t just about the fashion and the free shit, it was a journey… one I can’t wait to relive.
I plan to be in NYC from the 15th June – 29th June (FFFWeek 2013 is the 17th-22nd) and then LA until the 3rd of July… if you love me can I sleep on your couch?