Being away from my boys these last few weeks has been tough. Aidan amazes me everyday without fail so to be away from him and miss all that was painful. His tenderness, his imagination, his bravery, his cleverness. The trip to New York was the longest I’ve been away from him in his entire life so to think it wouldn’t affect either of us was delusional.
Aidan is a trooper. He understands I work and whilst most of the time I’m home with him, sometimes I have to work elsewhere and he’s ok with that. Throw in a visit from Grandma to spice things up and he’s golden. Now that I’m back and don’t have any plans to dash off until late August I feel like I can just breathe for awhile. It’s nice. I know Aidan feels the calmness too.
The whole point was to make this venture viable, to be home with my little man and be on hand to help him grow into a great one. Sometimes in order to be home I have to leave it, funny how the world works. Skype and FaceTime make distance bearable but tear sodden cheeks and puppy eyes are a million times more powerful than a sob on a phone call.
I was constantly asked if I was missing home (of course) and how Steve must be proud of me (he is) and if Aidan was coping with all my traveling… I hoped so. He thinks I have an cool job. I get to take photos, make movies, write stories and people pay me to do so. He loves it best when he can work with me: going to parties, opening packages and editing movies.
He’s a baby tech nerd and loves making little movies on my old iPhone. You’ll often find him taking selfies and photographing his toys. He likes putting his own outfits together, adores pawing through my jewellery box when I get ready for outfit photos and he thinks online shopping is fun. He’s my son and he’s fabulous!
Aidan’s not featured on the blog as often anymore but he’s involved in the background. It had to be that way for him to gain any understanding of what I do, especially since blogging is such a new career option. Mumma doesn’t just turn the computer on and make money, there is more to it than that. I want him to see how hard I work, that it takes dedication, passion and smarts to be a freelancer in a creative field in the digital age.
I can’t even begin to think of the technology that he’ll be able to harness and utilise daily when he’s my age… but I’m getting off track.
I missed him… hard. Seeing his little face light up when he sees me each morning, his softness as he rubs his cheek against mine in a snuggle, his impromptu dance moves, the way he says he loves me. How we’d walk hand in hand in the sunshine, swinging at the park, window shopping at Rouse Hill or going on a big op shopping crawl. He’s my best mate, my little dude, my everything.
Lets get real for a moment before you think I’m as soft as butter… he can be, how shall I say… frustrating. He is almost 4 years old after all and he’s a perpetual button pusher so getting time away to do things for myself is crucial. To be able to walk out of the house with nothing more than my phone, wallet and car keys is bliss. To remind not only myself but the entire family that I don’t have to stay at home 24/7 to be classed as a good mother, that there is no medal at the end.
Sometimes I have to be away from home to do what I do, most of the time it’s exciting, distracting and awesome but other times it can be tedious and difficult. In those times I just remind myself that I’m leading by example, showing my son that anything is possible, that dreaming big is ok as long as you’re prepared to put your back into it… and that he knows his family will always support him just as mine does today.