Within minutes of posting this week’s Aussie Curves post I knew I’d set off a spark in the blogosphere and thankfully it wasn’t just my underwear people were referencing but also my words.
I try my best not to be preachy on my blog about self love and body confidence because I’m learning right along side you and it’s just not how I roll. I’d rather lead by example, let my actions speak louder than words, I believe there is more power in that. It also means I have to be constantly on my game and pushing myself further.
I went to the local park a few weeks ago in my “hanging out with Aidan clothes”, I had sever Endo pain, I couldn’t be bothered with make up and my hair was just in a bun. I wasn’t a mess, I just wasn’t dolled up. A plus size lady sat across the park from where I was and kept glancing at her phone then back at me. She did this for awhile until it bugged me and we left.
Another day at the same park and the same woman was there. This time I was dressed more like “Danimezza” and after just five minutes she come over and asked if it was me. It’s always surreal to meet readers but I was sad that the only perception of me that she trusted was the polished version.
Life isn’t polished.
It’s raw and filled with emotion, pain, rage and sadness. It’s filled with glee, wonder and compassion. I am me in all my forms, on my good days and bad days. I’m no less vulnerable in my gym gear than I am in my Calvin Klein dress. The same goes for you.
I know I beat myself up if I don’t think I look “good enough”, the imaginary standard we set ourselves against, the bar never quite in reach. I’ve been known to have panic attacks prior to an event, scared that the magazine girls or other fashion/beauty bloggers may judge me against their own personal expectations of what is considered “good enough”.
It is in those moments I stop to breathe, often Steve will hold me and look in my eyes until I calm down. He never has to say anything, after 10 years he doesn’t need to. With a look I’m reminded that everything that’s valuable is right behind my eyes or completely unseen, everything else is complimentary.
So when you say all those lovely things that make me cry with passion and understanding, that I’m “inspirational” and that I’m “brave”, remember that all I showed was my body, just as I am. No pedestal required. There is power in owning or even reclaiming what is yours. Why not stand on front of a mirror (you don’t have to be naked) and do the same thing everyday, really see yourself and remember to be as kind to yourself as you have been to me.
It was easy for me to remove my skirt, it wasn’t so easy to remove the fear but your responses made the whole experience so positive. Thank you x