Last year I got the opportunity to try a new fitness activity, Cardio Tennis. It was a lot of fun but ultimately a bit too much for me, Steve however loved it and a few weeks ago he signed up for classes. Every Wednesday he heads down to the court and comes back an hour later red faced and covered in sweat. He’s entitled to an hour of free court hire every week as a perk so we head down there as a family on Sundays just for fun.
I really really really enjoy myself. I put on my favourite outfit, my wanky Hayman hat, lots of sunscreen and work my blonde ponytail. Sure, I’m no Anna Kournikova but I’m not trying to be. However I do have a white flippy skirt Nike twin-set prematurely in my shopping cart, you know, just in case. Instead I wore my hot pink two piece from TS14+ that I was gifted ages ago and still looks and feels brand new.
I honestly don’t remember a time where I would happily run, zig zagging around in the sun for an hour without noticing the time. You know, besides at the shopping centre running errands. When our hour is up I’m still somehow wanting more. I guess when my eye was on the ball, Aidan is squealing in delight and my portable radio is blasting out Madonna and other 80’s dance classics I don’t really think about the clock.
Last year was stressful, not only was I juggling multiple responsibilities but I was dealing with some latent emotional issues. I had counselling, I worked hard, I focused on giving my all to those who reached out but I’d stress too easily and began to lean on food again. Over time, the more and more I’d chip away at resolving those issues the easier it got to focus on what I really wanted from my life. Changes had to be made and it took courage to make them. Heavy stuff I wasn’t prepared to talk about here.
I was so focused on working on my emotions, my traumas, my identity, my toxic relationships, that I missed the 15 extra kilos I’d put on, comforting myself throughout the process. I wouldn’t change a damn thing. In all honesty I’d rather be the stronger person I am now through all my hard work than be the passive aggressive doormat I was but lighter. This year I feel stronger than I’ve ever felt but I’m taking care of both sides, inside and out this time. I feel like I’m ready to, like a lights been switched. This is my time.
I’ve made some pretty significant changes to my life, well they’re significant to me. I’ve altered my priorities, cut back my work related involvements, walked from my agent, completely changed my diet, decluttered my living spaces, upped my physical activities, let stressful relationships fall away and now more than ever I feel like I have an ounce of control. This isn’t about weight loss or self hate or even jumping on a bandwagon. Things have slowly been progressing to this point for the past year and now I feel comfortable to share a little glimpse into that journey, because ultimately it’s mine.
I’m not a fat activist and I’m not a sexual niche. I’m not parading my life for advertising clicks and I’m not a narcissist on an ego trip. I’m a people person who likes to put myself out there in hopes to connect with others with similar thoughts, feelings and circumstance. I care about a persons development on the inside, fostering positive self esteem and confidence so that they may really live in the present moment in a healthy and happy way. I’m also honest about the fact that it’s not easy and in my own way I try to be there for people. I feel a social responsibility far greater than my own waistline. I don’t believe size should be anyone’s focus, only passions, dreams, their unique abilities and how they can make a difference to others.
Sure it might not seem like much as I do it with clothes and make up but I also have a knack for bringing people together. Aussie Curves has become more than I could have ever dreamed or hoped for. I’m proud to say that small organic local groups have formed and real life, girl next door friendships are being made. Meet ups are being held, clothes and stories are being swapped, it’s so lovely to witness. If one less lady feels even the tiniest bit alone in her issues be it emotional or superficial, I feel like I’ve helped. Knowing those new friends can actually hug her or go shopping together in person… well that doing the one thing I can’t and that’s priceless.
It’s all well and good to be decked out in awesome work out gear in awesome colours with inspiring quotes on them and the latest tech gadgets but ultimately, no matter what you buy you still have to do the grunt work. You still have to look deep inside, assess your issues, confront them, work on them and remember that this is your time and your life that you’re wasting if you don’t like things the way they are. Again, this isn’t about weight loss, this is about your lifestyle. Be kind and honest with yourself, start small, be brave and know you’re not alone.